BECOME HERO ‼️ jailbirds... 2!

[tongshi]

give me some shitposts while we ban francy and jan from the post oh my god
PENTHOUSE UPDATES

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[sharkgirl]

DRAGON
wait that one should be datz though right

[spiritconsulting]

[these are probably...zodiac horoscopes? but that's fine she can be a dragon. he's showing up at the penthouse.]

You can both be dragon.

[sharkgirl]

[she has absolutely no idea what the difference is, so yolo]

I like the goat too though. And the scorpion. [she waves.]

[spiritconsulting]

I'd probably pick the ram or the lion for you if I had to guess, but in the end, these things just exist to sell magazines, so you should be a scorpion if you want to be one.

[unlike his aura reading which is very real.]

Mine's the little scales.

[sharkgirl]

[she's so amused by how he's just like this shit's fake, don't even worry about it]

Why the ram or the lion? [... she looks up the scales one.] The universe is conspiring to bring balance to your life. With the Sun illuminating your partnership sector and aligning with Jupiter, the planet of expansion, you are being presented with opportunities for growth and success in all areas of your life.

... What's Jupiter.

[spiritconsulting]

Fire signs.

[anyway.]

It's a planet. And I suppose that's not too bad. I could use some opportunities for growth and success.

[sharkgirl]

[fire signs (derogatory)]

So... people think that they can tell what kind of personality you are based on when you're born? And then do like, fortune telling?

[spiritconsulting]

Yes, but it's actually a lot more complicated than this. To figure anything out you need a lot of information about the exact time and place someone was born, not just the month. I'm not saying any of it is the real deal even then, but it makes a little more sense than just saying everyone born in October is going to do well in business today.

[doghouse]

Oh, oh, I'm the ram!

[sharkgirl]

Oh, rad! I feel like that fits, probably?

I really don't know which one to pick.

[doghouse]

....Don't really know what the difference is supposed to be, to be honest! So maybe go with whichever animal or season ya like better? Like, ram vs. lion, spring vs. summer?

[doghouse]

Ooh, like the scales of justice! Nice!

[spiritconsulting]

Yeah, exactly. And today I will have a lot of business success.

[doghouse]

Whoa, congrats!

[ neither one of them believes in this ]

[doghouse]

[ pops in a few seconds later! he probably jogged up the stairs all the way. ]

We're talkin' about dragons?!

[spiritconsulting]

Nimona claimed dragon while you were jogging up those stairs. Next time, take the elevator.

[doghouse]

What?!

...Wait, like, the Chinese year ones?

[spiritconsulting]

Yes. But dragon is taken.

[doghouse]

Oh, I'm a dog for that one anyway.

[ UNFORTUNATELY!!!!!!!!!

actually that means so is chiemi which seems also maybe unfortunate ]

[rizomata]

There's a dragon one? How is this even supposed to work?

[coming in here and looking at a magazine.]

[spiritconsulting]

Probably not in those. Anyway, you look at the one that corresponds with your birthday and it tells you your fortune.

[rizomata]

Looks like it uses a calendar I'm not familiar with, so my birthday doesn't work with any of these.

[spiritconsulting]

...Hmm. What season were you born in?

[rizomata]

Fall.

[me bullshitting because canon has nothing to say about this.]

[selfimmolation]

[ anyway finally comes to discuss horoscopes ]

So what are all the options anyway?